


I'm Okay (No I'm Not)

by ImperialKatwala



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Me? Projecting my need for a hug? Hahaha what are you talking about, TommyInnit Gets a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), awesamdad, that's it that's the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:01:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29369682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImperialKatwala/pseuds/ImperialKatwala
Summary: Tommy has been doing okay. He has! Really!He repeats it like a mantra, ignoring how the subtle buzzing and restlessness in his bones build day by day, how he has too much energy all the time, how focusing for long periods of time slowly gets harder and harder. There's nothing wrong. He's fine. It's fine.He's fine. Until he isn't.
Relationships: Sam | Awesamdude & TommyInnit
Comments: 30
Kudos: 543
Collections: Found family to make me feel something, MCYT Fic Rec





	I'm Okay (No I'm Not)

Tommy has been doing okay. He has! Really! He has his disks back, he can go talk to Tubbo whenever he wants (Tubbo isn't near him all the time, he can't force that on his friend, no matter how much his mind screams for it - if he can't see Tubbo he can't be sure he's safe), and the hotel is progressing nicely (he can see the prison from the hotel, and it's easy to ignore the little curl of nausea and dread underneath the shine of victory). Things are going well.

He repeats it like a mantra, ignoring how the subtle buzzing and restlessness in his bones build day by day, how he has too much energy _all the time,_ how focusing for long periods of time slowly gets harder and harder. There's nothing wrong. He's fine. It's fine.

He's fine. Until he isn't.

It's sudden and it's stupid. Sam Nook sent him off on another supply-gathering mission, where all he has to do is get some wool. Just find a few sheep, that's it. Except it's been an hour and he only has four measly pieces of wool, nowhere near the half-stack Sam Nook had requested.

And Tommy is standing there in the middle of a field, shears held tightly in one hand, fighting back the urge to cry.

It's so _stupid._ It's just wool, it shouldn't be this big of a deal. It shouldn't feel like a mountain of a problem, towering over him, ready to crush him. It shouldn't feel like it's choking him, like he has too much energy even now, like he simultaneously needs to finish his task and get as far away from it as he can. It shouldn't. But it does.

Tommy bites back a quiet, frustrated sob, feeling his hands start to shake.

"Tommy?"

He flinches and turns, plastering on a grin. "Oh, hey, Sam! Fancy seeing you here!"

Sam's expression is, as always, hard to read behind his mask (it's horribly familiar, but different enough that Tommy barely registers it anymore. At least it's not the same kind of mask), but he sounds worried. "Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah, of course I am, big man!" Tommy assures him, the confidence coming easier now. He can't let Sam know how pathetic he's been recently.

Sam doesn't seem to like that answer. "What are you doing out here?"

"Sam Nook asked me to get some wool for the hotel!" Tommy explains cheerfully, ignoring the panic building in his lungs and the static under his skin. "I haven't found a lot yet, but I'm working on it!"

"I see. Do you want help?"

"Nah, I'll be fine!" Tommy hums, waving him off. He doesn't think he can keep this up for very long, not with the way Sam's voice pitches lower with genuine (?) concern, how he holds himself hunched over slightly, to make himself look less intimidating (it only partly works).

Sam hesitates for a moment, then reaches up and unlatches his mask. It's startling; Tommy has seen Sam's face before, but the mask coming off is very, very rare. Even more startling is the concern in his eyes. "Tommy, is something wrong?"

"Why would something be wrong?" Tommy bluffs, feeling the burn of tears build again. Please, please, go away, go away -

"Look, I know you don't really trust me yet." Sam's voice is soft, gentle, caring. "And that's okay, I get it. But you know, if you ever need anything, I'm here to help you. Alright?"

"Yeah, uh-huh, whatever." Tommy turns to go; if Sam won't leave, he will.

Sam puts a gentle hand on his shoulder, stopping him. "Hey."

Tommy feels an urge to lean into the touch so intense it scares him, and he yanks his shoulder away. " _What?_ "

"Do you... I don't know, do you want a hug or something?" Sam is hesitant, almost. Like he isn't sure how to handle Tommy. That isn't special, Tommy's used to that, but he still hasn't gotten used to Sam trying anyway. People (except Tubbo, almost always, and Wilbur, sometimes) usually don't try.

Maybe it's that. Maybe it's the fact that he suddenly realizes he's only had like two hugs since he was exiled. Maybe it's a lot of things. But Tommy swallows down the sincerity that wants to creep into his voice and shrugs. "I mean sure? I guess?"

So Sam puts his mask in his inventory and steps forward, and Tommy shuffles forward a little too, and then Sam wraps him in a hug.

It's _nice,_ is Tommy's first thought; he hasn't hugged someone taller than him in... a long time. It's so _different_ when he's the one being folded into someone's chest, like he's being wrapped in a blanket.

He feels weirdly safe, is his second thought. Sam's holding him tight, not so tight that he couldn't escape if he tried, but tight enough to ground him, to pull him in and stabilize him. And it feels like a shield, like armor, like a layer of watchful protection. Which is weird, and stupid, it's just Sam, it's just a hug, but that's how it feels. He hasn't felt safe like that in months.

He's crying, is his third thought.

"Tommy?" Sam asks, startled, as Tommy's breath hitches and the tears start to flow. He starts to pull away, but Tommy just tightens his grip and buries his face deeper into Sam's chest.

He starts to sob properly now, and Sam pulls him in closer, murmuring comfort into his hair, rocking slightly back and forth.

Tommy can't remember the last time someone held him like this. Maybe Wilbur, after his duel with Dream, but that had been frantic and quick and fierce, clinging onto each other so tight they could barely breathe, a wordless cry of _you're alive_. This isn't that. This is an anchor in the howling maelstrom he's been pushing down for months and months and months, since the first time he went to war. This is a tiny bubble of safety and stability that Tommy didn't even know he needed, solid as bedrock.

Tommy lets out a soft keening sound as his knees give out and he sinks to the ground.

Sam goes with him, pulling Tommy mostly into his lap, still holding him tight, still offering quiet reassurance. Tommy can't even process what he's saying, but it doesn't matter. Sam has him. It's going to be okay.

And that trust _terrifies_ him, even as he thinks it. He doesn't want to be hurt again, doesn't want someone else to leave him alone, doesn't want to love and lose _again._ But Sam _has him,_ and Sam cares, and Sam has been nothing but kind, without those double-edged tones and actions that Dream is so fond of. So Tommy just sobs louder and holds tighter and lets the fear go.

"It's going to be okay," Sam tells him softly, and for now, he lets himself believe it.

It takes him a while to cry himself out (He has so much pain to carry). Sam stays put the whole time, just hugging him and whispering comforting things and letting him cry. He doesn't try to pull away even once.

When Tommy doesn't have any more tears left, when exhaustion is tugging at him and his sobs have subsided into occasional tiny hiccups, Sam finally moves. He scoops Tommy up like he's a much smaller kid than he is, like he hardly weighs anything, and starts to carry him out of the field.

Tommy's too tired to focus on where they're going, so he just curls in a little tighter and drowses, hovering on the edge of sleep. Sam won't take him anywhere he doesn't want to go.

After a while, Sam stops. Tommy is set down on something soft - a bed? - and when he cracks one eye open (he's so tired, it's so hard, but he needs to know where he is) he sees the familiar walls of his base. Sam's taken him home.

Sam smiles gently down at him and turns to go, but Tommy grabs his sleeve. He doesn't want to be alone. He can't be alone right now.

"Okay," Sam murmurs, sitting down on the edge of the bed, running his fingers through Tommy's hair. "I'll stay."

Tommy can't muster the energy for words right now, so he hums softly and hopes Sam will understand what he means.

And with Sam sitting there like a sentinel, carding his fingers through Tommy's hair, he lets himself fall asleep, feeling protected. Feeling loved.

**Author's Note:**

> I speedran this fic after realizing I've only had like one or two hugs since going back to school, which has been,,,, not great for me, tbh. I got a nice long hug yesterday, though, so I'm feeling much better now :)


End file.
